DragonChow's Day at Veeshan's Peak!

by Dormare


kanuwen: /shout WOOT!! YOU HAVE ENTERED VEESHAN'S PEAK!!!
brodda: Hey, we didn't die zoning in, it already beats the crap out of those Howling Stones...
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
teroth begins to cast a spell
Eldeberon: /shout Level 57 wizzie lookin for a group
Jenkins says "Guarding you master"
Jeeves says "Guarding with my life, oh great one"
Ssmacki: /auction Selling Tailor made items at reasonable prices
Uniqe: /auction Same here
Paladin: /auction Same
Exavier : /auction Selling Platinum Ruby Veil for 9.5k
Druid: That's insane
Exavier looks around for some competition, and shrugs
Redline : So who wants to group with me?
Sisarius: Me
teroth : Me
brodda: Me
Uniqe: Me
Sacik: Me
Eldeberon: Me
Ssmacki: Me
Freyana: Me
Kanuwen: Me
Exavier : Me
indra: Me
Purti : Me
Redline : Okay, Uniqe, teroth, Freyana, Exavier , Purti , you're with me
All others: <Various swearing>
Eldeberon: So who wants to group with me?
brodda: Yeah, and I'm starting a group, who wants to group with me?
<Sound of wind whistling>
Indra :maybe we should do some scouting...
eldeberon begins to cast an UselessUpgradedSpell spell
brodda disappears
Kanuwen dons a mask of the hunter
eldeberon creates an "Invisible to Mobs under 35 when it's a level 55 spell" eye
Kanuwen , Eldeberon, and brodda: I'll scout
Eldeberon: /shout Level 57 wizzie looking for a group
Exavier begins to cast a spell
teroth : Hey buddy can I get some Swords of Runes?
Sisarius feels his summons are useful for a change
Sisarius: Sure
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
A cool breeze slips thru Exavier's party
Jeeves says "Thank you master"
Jenkins "Thanks oyu master"
teroth : Well I don't need you guys anymore
teroth chuckles
Eldeberon: /shout %&^(( They saw my invisible eye, we got two dragons inc
Kanuwen : /ooc <sigh>
brodda: /ooc <sigh>
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
Ssmacki: GETEM!
indra , Ssmacki, Uniqe, brodda, and Sacik attack A Sky Blue Dragon
teroth , Magician, Exavier , Druid, Eldeberon begins to cast a spell
teroth has feared A Sky Blue Dragon
Jeeves says "Attacking master"
teroth : I got this one
Jenkins says "Attacking master"
indra slashes A Sky Blue Dragon for 49 damage
Ssmacki kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 200 damage
Uniqe taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
brodda backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
Sacik Harmtouches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
Sisarius hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 850 damage
Kanuwen hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
Freyana twists mana and hp recovery songs
Eldberon's spell has been resisted
Edberon : %*&^
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
Indra yells for help behind you and to the left
Redline begins to frantically cast a spell
teroth reclines and yawns
Uniqe taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 50 damage
Uniqe taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 126 damage
Uniqe: Oh come on
Redline has cast a spell
Indra has regained 900 hp
Redline begins to cast a spell
Uniqe taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 300 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 193 damage
Indra yells for help behind you and to the left
Redline: Quick casting my $*%
Eldeberon begins to cast a spell
Eldeberon's spell has been resisted
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
Wizard has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
teroth puts on sunglasses
Uniqe: Well there's a taunt at least
Freyana summons water from her boots
redlind has cast a spell
Indra has regained 900 hp
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
Indra: WTF? I stopped attacking 20 secs ago
Redline begins to cast a spell
Indra is completely healed
Redline : There we go
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
Indra is enveloped in fire
Purti : Well at least he's useful now
teroth strikes up a conversation with Jimi Hendrix
teroth lights a cigar
Ssmacki kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 450 damage
Uniqe kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 3 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
Uniqe: Woo hoo
Kanuwen begins to cast a spell
Ssmacki uber-punches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
Uniqe kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 10 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
Uniqe: Twice in a row!
Uniqe sticks his tongue out at Ssmacki
Kanuwen hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Kanuwen for 500 damage
teroth begins to debate the philosophy of "The Matrix"
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Kanuwen for 500 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Kanuwen for 500 damage
Redline begins to cast a spell
Kanuwen feels a healing touch
Redline : %*^
stray pally:sorry
Redline casting has been interrupted
You must be standing to cast a spell
Freyana summons water from her boots
Kanuwen : You mind?
Freyana summons food from her pants
Freyana: What? Can't you see I'm using my armor's special abilities
brodda backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
Jenkins backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 500 damage
Jenkins laughs an elemental laugh at brodda
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
Jenkins has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
brodda laughs heartily at Jenkins
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
Exavier wanders blindly, waiting for a crowd to control
Sisarius: I'll try an air this time
Butler says "Attacking master"
teroth chuckles
Sisarius: What?
teroth points at Jeeves
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves dodges
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves ripostes
Jeeves hits A Sky Blue Dragon for 60 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
Sisarius: So?
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
Butler has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
teroth laughs
teroth begins to cast a spell
Sisarius begins to cast a spell
jb098h lifetaps A Sky Blue Dragon
teroth experiences a 2000 point swing in life totals
Sisarius sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
Kanuwen sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
Revived Eldeberon sighs, wanting to be best at direct damage
Sisarius: Okay, this one is fire
Purti : Just do earth, everyone knows the others suck anyway
Lil'Flamey says "Attacking master"
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Revived Eldeberon feels some sympathy
Freyana yawns, still twisting her mana/hp regen songs
teroth yawns, still sitting on his can
Purti : Okay let's end this
Purti begins to cast a spell
Uniqe feels like an avatar
Uniqe : Woohoo, you're the best!
Redline : Oh come on
Redline tries to strike A Sky Blue Dragon, but misses
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Cleric for disproportionately high damage
Redline sighs about her armor
Redline has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
teroth takes pity on Cleric
Kanuwen begins to cast a spell
teroth begins to cast a spell
Paladin tries to cast a spell, but quest hasn't been implemented yet
teroth casts a spell
Redline is revived with 93% exp regain
teroth : A newbie gave his life for that
Revived Redline sighs
Buffed Uniqe hits A Sky Blue Dragon for tons of damage
Indra blows wind at A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Indra for 600 damage
Indra sighs
petri looks around mildly, waiting to buff someone
Kanuwen : Any ideas?
Sacik tries to make a point, but there aren't enough of him to be listened to
Lightbulb appears over Exavier's head
Exavier begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon is showered with gold
Ssmacki : What'd you do?
Exavier : Gave him some pocket change
A Sky Blue Dragon is heavily encumbered
Paladin slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with FIERY AVENGER for massive damage
uniqe slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with RANDOM WEAPON FROM KARNOR'S for massive damage + 1
Paladin sighs
Jeeves says "Guarding you master"
teroth : You should see the loot on my dragon...
All others: SHUT UP!!
Ssmacki B!tCh-Sl@Ps A Sky Blue Dragon for massive damage
sisarius, kanuwen, Exavier , Uniqe, and petri begin to cast spells
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit for miniscule fraction of total life in non-melee damage
Casters sigh
sisarius smiles
sisarius : I still have my pet
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 178 damage
Purti : You know your Earth quad hits for....
sisarius: Shut up!
teroth : ...less than mine does
sisarius sighs at Lil'Flamey
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Lil'Flamey for 600 damage
teroth begins to cast a spell
Eldeberon begins to cast a spell
teroth DOTs A Sky Blue Dragon for Trakanon-like damage
Eldeberon casts CrappyRainSpell
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon resisted CrappyRainSpell
Jeeves is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
Lil'Flamey is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
Eldeberon: Woo hoo, and that only cost 400 mana
A Sky Blue Dragon staggers, looking for somewhere to die
Kanuwen, indra, sisarius, Eldeberon, Redline, Purti , Exavier , teroth , Sacik, and Freyana
begin to cast spells
Uniqe beats on A Sky Blue Dragon
Paladin whallops on A Sky Blue Dragon
Ssmacki decimates A Sky Blue Dragon
brodda kinda wounds A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by a ton of non-melee
A Sky Blue Dragon says "From Hell's heart I stab at thee!"
A Sky Blue Dragon swipes Lil'Flamey for massive damage
A Sky Blue Dragon has been slain by theroth's DOT
A Sky Blue Dragon has left no corpse
GroupOf13 look at teroth
teroth lowers head, then wanders off to solo dragons
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey casts ReallyStupidYonderSpell
Lil'Flamey disappears
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Really Huge Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Red As Blood Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Makes Veeshan Look Like A Worm Dragon begins to cast a spell
SadSis sighs, knowing what's coming
SadSis is burned with the fires of Hades
SadSis has been slain like you wouldn't believe
PanickedUniqe: Here they come
teroth feigns death
Sacik feigns death
Ssmacki feigns death
Kanuwengates away
Indra sits down and waits to die
Eldeberon evacs
Redline wishes she had picked Eldeberon for her group
Freyana has been slain before he knew what hit her
Exavier begins to cast a spell
Uniqe has been slain like paper before the Whitewater investigation
exavier has cast a spell
CrowdODragons has been mezzed
Exavier gates away
Casters gate away
PeopleWithoutGate sigh
PeopleWithoutGate are slain, roasted, and served with a white wine
CrowdODragons disperses
teroth stands and gates
Sacik can no longer play dead
Sacik is roasted by dragonfire
Sacik has been slain
Ssmacki sighs

 

Murphy's Laws of Everquest

By Dormare

1 Everything is camped.
2 Your corpse will always end up halfway inside a mountain, nowhere in sight of the roads, or under a tree.
3 The skeleton in front of you is there to distract you from the kodiak approaching behind you.
4 If your attack is going really well, you are in an ambush.
5 If the MOBs are within range, so are you.
6 The tougher MOBs invariably attack on two occasions:> when they're ready. when you're not.
7 One MOB is never enough, but two can be entirely too many.
8 The MOB is not retreating; it's just going to get its friends.
9 The MOBs you never encounter when armed and buffed always appear during your corpse run.
10 The MOB you've been camping for hours always spawns 18 seconds after you leave.
11 Teamwork is essential; it gives the MOBs other people to attack.
12 Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
13 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
14 The greatest danger to your group is a Paladin with a map and a> plan.
15 When the going gets tough, the tank gets linkdead.
16 A group without healers or bandages is not a group for long.
17 Your buffs will fade when you need them the most.
18 Whenever you have plenty of mana, you never miss. Whenever you are low on mana, every spell fizzles.
19 When in doubt, gate.
20 There is not a single bathroom in all of Norrath.
21 The Armor Class of a piece of armor is inversely proportional as to how good it looks on you.
22 The item that you want the most drops the rarest.
23 The item that you want the most is out of your price range.
24 The item that you want the most was sold at an auction while you were offline.
25 The item that you want the most was picked up by some moron who didn't know the definition of "No Drop".
26 The item you'll need tomorrow is No Rent.
28 The item you accidentally drop will be the most valuable/powerful/important item you carry.
29 If you can afford it, it's not for sale.
30 If you want two of them, it's a Lore item.
31 If you want to sell it, it's a No Drop item.
32 The High Quality Bear Skin drops every 28 days, the same schedule as PMS. Coincidence?
33 Even greens kill.
34 Backstab means never having to say you're sorry.
35 A bow without arrows seems awfully heavy all of a sudden.
36 Merchants are perfectly capable of kicking tail and taking names.
37 Trains have the right of way.
38 If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
39 The guards are never there when you need them.
40 The time it takes to upload the newest patch is directly proportional to your eagerness to log on.
41 No two people have ever agreed on a single, precise definition of a twink.
42 Never forget that your newbie weapon was crafted by the lowest bidder.
43 A roleplayer drinks to increase his alcohol tolerance; an idiot does it in the Kelethin treetops.
44 Having a tenth of a bubble of health left is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
45 Gnome wizards are proof positive that size does not matter.
46 The greatest mystery in Norrath is how NPCs figure out what religion you are just by looking at you.
47 Every shaman on Norrath at one point in his or her life has done the pig joke when someone asked for a SOW.
48 Only twelve people in all of Norrath are truly happy with their last names.
49 The last bubble takes forever to fill.
50 It is somehow discouraging to realize that Qeynos is "SonyEQ" spelled backwards.

love dor

 

 

The Petitioner

-Author unknown-

(The following was found on a Castersrealm chat board as two seperate posts which I cut together *caution avoid drinking or eat while reading this, you might choke)

 

Part :1 THE NECROMANCER'S TALE

So there I was.....minding my own business in The Overthere, when all of a sudden I see the message "d00d sow plz".

Of course, my natural instinct was not to answer, since I thought the clueless newb (hereafter referred to politely as "the petitioner") must have been poorly informed at best. Boy was I ever wrong. I switch out of 1st person into an external camera, and what did my wandering eyes behold? Only myself and the petitioner. So I says to myself...."Self? You need to edumacate this fella!"

(Keep in mind what the overall setting looked like There I was, in skeleton form, carrying a scythe, FLOATING IN MIDAIR IN A MEDITATING POSITION, with a LARGE dark-brown skeleton named "Gibober" standing behind me. Ummm....No, skippy, I'm not a druid or a shaman.)

I say "Wish I could, bro, but I don't have SoW. I'm a Necromancer."

The Petitioner says, "$#*&@#$ dick, sow me already! it's for a cr"

Feeling as if my feathers had been ruffled a bit, I do a "/who all dumbass" (um..pardon..I meant "/who all petitioner") This is where I discovered the "/who all" bug. Certainly it must have been a bug, right? There's NO WAY IN CREATION the dumbas...err...petitioner could have been a level 31 Dark Elf Wizard, right???? RIGHT????? /em begins to cry like a little girl. Well, needless to say, I couldn't have been any more shocked than if my pet began dancing an Irish Jig. I quickly begin the arduous task of maintaining my composure, while deciding how best to deal with this tricky situation.

I say, "Necromancer's can't cast SoW".

Petitioner says, "Bull@#$%! you cast a spell while you were running and you sped up! I couldn't catch you until you sat down! if you're not going to sow me just say so you dont have to be a dick about it a$$hole"

Yes I know....he didn't use any punctuation in that last sentence.

I say, "I have JBoots."

He says, "what are they"

Before I have a chance to pick my chin up off the floor.... Petitioner asks, "can you buff my hps my hp sux"

I say, "I can't buff you, dude. I'm a necromancer. I only have one buff that you would probably want."

He says, "yeah the one you won't give me dick"

Ok. Time to have fun with the hopelessly clueless. I say, "Why do you need a sow?"

He says, "i need to get to burned woods to hunt. sumbody said its perfect for my level"

Yep. That's what he said......"burned woods".

I say, "man are you ever in the wrong place."

He says, "?" Apparently he found the "question mark" key conveniently located nearby other various and sundry communication facilitators.

I didn't answer him.

He repeats, "??"

Found it twice...good for him.

He repeats, "???"

Having an IQ greater than plantlife, I sensed a pattern forming. I say, "You are NO WHERE near Burned Woods."

He says, "my friend told me it was in kunark"

I say, "Yeah, the operative word there is 'WAS'. There was a major patch a couple of months ago after a bunch of complaints were filed about 'static content'."

He says, "?"

I say, "!"

He says, "?"

I say, ","

He says, "wtf"

I say, "no, already have some."

He says, "????"

I don't respond.

He says, "so where the @#$% is burned woods" He lost the question mark button again. Probably popped off when he was sniffing his feet.

I say, "Well, THIS week it's south of Freeport. It changes with every patch, since they began randomizing zone locations." My guild is hysterical at this point. And I haven't even told them the ENTIRE story yet. Just snippets.

He says, "@#$% I just got off the boat"

I say, "You don't need the boat."

He says "why"

I say, "You're a wizard!"

He says, "how you know that"

I say, "I did a /wh...nevermind....the important thing is you have teleportation spells."

He says, "oh yeah the green ones"

I nod.

I say, "Yep. The 'green ones'. Pretty nice how you have them grouped by color."

He says, "thx"

I say, "How'd you think about doing it that way?"

He says, "they were all @#$%## up when I got this char"

I say, "Sit down and mem the spell 'Fay Gate'."

He says, "why" Question mark key is on the ground in front of your chair, guy. Mixed in with your collection of boogers.

I say, "It's going to put you within spitting distance of Burned Woods."

He says, "how do you know"

I say, "All patch messages come with a zone connection map."

He says, "oh"

I say, "Ok. You have it memmed now?"

He had just stood up after what I assumed was meditating/looking at his spell book. He says, "yeah"

I say, "Ok. Cast the spell and let me know when you get there."

Dumba...errr....Petitioner begins to cast a spell.

A LONG time goes by.....ok, maybe 5 minutes I still haven't heard from him. Getting curious I tell petitioner, "Are you there yet?" No reply. No reply at all. [Yes, I'm a Genesis fan... ] Obviously he's there, or my tell wouldn't have gone through. I tell petitioner, "Hit the 'r' key to reply to me."

He replies, "i'm here now where do I go." Right idea....wrong punctuation mark. Oh well. "C" for effort.

I tell petitioner, "Ok, do you see a hotkey on the screen that says 'Sense Heading'?"

He replies, "no"

I reply, "Hit the arrow buttons one by one until you see one." It was a guess, but an educated one.

He replies, "found it"

I reply, "Click on it."

He replies, "north"

I reply, "Ok, you need to head east along the path. Keep going until the path turns north. When it forks to the right, take the right fork."

He replies, "ok" Who knows, maybe the guy who sold his account on Ebay worked his Felwithe faction up.

He replies, "sumbody told me I shouldnt be here cause i'm a dark elf"

I reply, "They were roleplaying."

He replies, "oh hehe @#$%@#$ morons ;P"

Priceless. Utterly priceless, I tell you.

I reply, "Where are you?"

He replies, "i see something now. looks like a castle"

I reply, "Run into the castle as fast as you can. The guards might give you some trouble, just keep running."

Yeah...damned conscience started kicking in.

A fairly long period of time passes. Not sure how long, but longer than I was expecting. I tell petitioner, "What happened?" As if I didn't know....

He replies, "my spells are gone!"

I reply, "What happened?"

He replies, "i died why"

I reply, "Oh man! Did I tell you to run east or west?"

He replies, "east wtf???"

I reply, "Yikes. My bad. You should have run west."

He replies, "?"

I reply, "So where are you now?"

He replies, "how can I tell"

I reply, "Look right after you see 'Loading please wait'. It should tell you 'You have entered [zone]'."

He replies "it doesnt say [zone] there."

After smacking my head against my monitor....

I reply, "What does it say in place of [zone]?".

Get this.... He replies, "Burning Woods"

I nearly fell out of my chair! I couldn't have PLANNED it that way!

He replies, "is that the same as burned woods"

I reply, "No, but you're close. Start running south so you can get your corpse back."

He replies, "i have to get my corpse back?????"

/ignore petitioner

 

Part 2

THE CLERIC'S TALE

Here comes some idiot Dark Elf running past me, running straight down the road that is going to lead him to Felwithe. I scratch my head, and being the nosey sort of Dwarf that I am...I send him a tell. I tell the DE, "Wait"

DE tells me, "?"

I sigh into my ale as I take another longt draught off of it before running up to him and saying, "Ye really don't wanna go messin around over there with them High Elves' They look like pansies, but they aint."

The DE stands there with a vacant look on his face for a few minutes before just running away. Do a /who on the DE and find out he's 31st level. Ok, so maybe he knows what he's doing. I've seen Ogres in North Freeport, after all. I go back to drinking my ale. Out of curiosity, I send him another tell a few minutes later. I tell the DE, "Not gettin' into any trouble over there are ye?"

DE tells me, "STFU !@#$% roleplayer"

I sigh into my ale again, finishing it off. Ah, tis the season of the twit. I stand up and head towards Felwithe to resupply my ale. Just as I get to the gates of the ugliest city on Norrath, what do I find but a dead dark elf and a pair of guards snickering and cleaning their weapons. Now this is priceless. I do a /who on the poor soul and see he is in Burning Woods. Being the sucker that I am, I feel compelled to rez the twit...after all, I am a !@#$% roleplayer and I roleplay a !@#$% cleric...albeit a !@#$% grumpy one. I sit down to mem Reviviscene and while I am waiting for it to refresh I send the DE a tell. I tell the DE, "Would ye like a rez?"

DE tells me, "no i want a !@#$% sow dumbas i have to run south to get my corpse back so dont be a dick and just sow me plz"

I look around for an ale but unfortunatly Brell hates me at this moment in time, so I simply reply. "If I rez ya, ye wont need to run south to yer body. You will appear at yer body. I am not standing near you, I am standing near yer corpse."

DE tells me, "d00d rez plz"

As I sigh I look at my Holy Symbol of Brell and sigh "I'm gonna get a stout named after me right?" and I tell the DE "Consent me so I can rez ya" but I get no reply. No reply at all. So I say it again "Consent me so I can rez ya"

DE tells me, "ok you can rez me"

I sit down again at this point. I have no ale and this is gonna take awhile. I tell the DE, "Type /consent and my name" Being a smart dwarf I tell the DE, "/consent Cleric_01" and say again "Just like that" before he can make my head hurt more. Sure enough, I recieve consent to drag his corpse. So I stand up and get ready to drag the corpse when suddenly I am denied permission to drag his corpse. I begin to think like him and I think "WTF?" So I tell the DE, "No...just type it once. One more time. That's it. Dont type it again" thinking that as soon as I get this over with, I can go buy more ale and my head will stop hurting. I recieve consent and I quickly drag it towards the zone since this is the direction the guy was going anyway. I get the body by the zone and cast Rez on it, comforted by the fact that I am one heal away from being done with this guy.

The naked DE appears in front of me and I stand up to cast my final spell of this exchange when he says to me "your that !@#%% roleplayer" and then a moment later, almost as an afterthought "thx" Compelled at this point, I ask "Why were you running into Felwithe when you are KoS?"

DE says, "I was going to burned woods"

I say, "Burning Woods?"

DE says, "no dumbass i go there when i die i want to hunt burned woods"

I say, "Who told you to go hunting in Burned Woods, inside Felwithe?"

DE says, "some dick who wouldnt sow me" and then "will you sow me plz, its for a CR"

I stand there drooling on myself for a moment, trying to catch up. I havent had an ale in a good 20 minutes at this point, so I am starting to see spots.

DE says, "dont be a dick just sow me before they move the zone again"

I stare at the lad and ask "Move Burned Woods? Again?"

DE says, "yea"

I finally snap and say, "They aren't going to move it again. Once they moved it to Western Wastes, with all the snow, it stopped burning."

DE says, "i saw a burning tree"

I say, "Exactly my point. Now if they would only move Burning Woods there it would stop too and people wouldn't go there when they die."

DE says, "can you sow me, its for CR"

I say, "sow doesnt work in IC until you get past EW and then it will work for CR's only until you get to WW, then ask the first person you see for sow there." I add as an afterthought "Sometimes they look like flying blue things but they can sow"

DE says, "wtf???"

I say, "Allow me to use smaller words. You do not need a sow yet. Do what I say and you'll get there right away." and then "Sit down and mem the spell Bind Affinity"

DE is silent for a bit and finally says "its red" as he is standing up

I say, "I am glad they covered Colors this week. Now target yourself and cast this spell. " He just stands there for a minute, so I add "it will r0ck" and he begins to cast the spell, binding himself behind the guards at Felwithe. I feel somewhat better already, maybe I dont need ale.

DE says, "it said bound" and begins to giggle

I say, "Now sit down and mem the spell Iceclad Gate. This will r0ck even more."

DE says, "this one is green"

I say, "You're damn good at those colors man"

DE says, "thx"

When the DE stands up I say "This is going to take you to Iceclad Ocean. It's an ocean so that's why they moved Burned Woods there....to put it out."

DE says, "what about sow"

I say, "Remember that sow wont work until you are on a CR in WW. In fact you actually run faster in snow if you set the RUN button to WALK. Do that now."

DE says, "ok"

I say, "Now cast Iceclad Gate....the Green one. Remember to run straight out of where you appear and dont stop swimming until you hit Burned

Woods."

DE begins to cast a spell and I zone in to get my ale....remembering that the Ignore list cures most headaches that ale cant and feeling somewhat better about going back to Sebilis.

*******************************

PART 3

THE NECROMANCER REVISTED

Moral of the story EBay...Just Say No!

Out of sheer curiosity, I took him off ignore later to find out what happened. I tell petitioner, "How's it going?"

He replies, "wtf? where you been"

I reply, "been afk, sorry."

He replies, "got my corpse back. some dude rezzed me."

My conscience somewhat eased... I reply, "Really? Cool! Where are you now?"

He replies, "iceclad ocean"

I scratch my head a few times. I reply, "Why Velious?"

He replies, "the guy that rezzed me told me burned woods was in western wastes this week"

I don't recall exactly how long it took me to stop laughing. I stopped breathing shortly before my dog dialed 911.

He replied, "@#$%&* wouldnt sow me either. what is that sh#$ gold?"

That's what finally killed me. I'm writing this from the afterlife. Yea you may think its wrong but i admit its funny as hell!!!